Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People

by Connie Podesta Go on, it's okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn't have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can't seem to avoid. I think you know who I'm talking about. What's not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean "habits". If you're tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them - and ultimately how they affect your life. The Good News... and the Bad News Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children - and more important, it continues to work for them as adults. I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others. The game of life is basically about "getting our needs met." And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone's behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior. For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a 2-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her "cold shoulder" and plays a few holes of golf! Jennifer wins the same "reward" at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess! We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior. What do they really want? Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate - even work extra hard - to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits. What can I do about it? We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as "part of life." We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that "Maybe it's me." Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change ourselves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated. The good news is that because we are partly responsible there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That's great news! By focusing on ourselves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us - today!

COMMITMENT

WHAT IS COMMITMENT? A great business leader once said: "...the basic philosophy, spirit, and drive of an organization have far more to do with its relative achievements than do technological or economic resources, organizational structure, innovation, and timing. All these things weigh heavily in success. But they are, I think, transcended by how strongly the people in the organization believe in its basic precepts and how faithfully they carry them out." (from Thomas J. Watson, Jr., A Business and its Beliefs - The ideas that helped build IBM). As true as this is for the success of a corporation, it is even more so for the individual. The most important single factor in individual success is COMMITMENT. Commitment ignites action. To commit is to pledge yourself to a certain purpose or line of conduct. It also means practicing your beliefs consistently. There are, therefore, two fundamental conditions for commitment. The first is having a sound set of beliefs. There is an old saying that goes, "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything." The second is faithful adherence to those beliefs with your behavior. Possibly the best description of commitment is "persistence with a purpose". Many successful business people are hailed as visionary leaders. On careful inspection they are found to be individuals who hold firmly to a simple set of commitments, usually grounded in beliefs such as "the best product money can buy", or the highest possible customer service". It is the strength of these commitments, religiously followed, that led to their business success. WHERE TO PRACTICE It appears that effective leaders hold dearly to a half dozen commitments. The first, and most basic, of these is a commitment to a set of values, principles or beliefs. These underlying principles define both the organization's uniqueness and the fundamental direction in which it wants to head. This first commitment leads to a common vision and purpose within the organization. The second commitment is to oneself, to how one acts as a leader. An effective leader possesses a strong sense of personal integrity and self confidence. This leads to a willingness to share the credit for success. Another side to this commitment is a deliberate emphasis on continual self-improvement. The combination of a strong, positive commitment to self and to a set of principles serve as a foundation to effectively maintain the remaining four commitments. These commitments are to: customers, results, employees, and the organization. Everyone has a customer and is a customer to someone else. Customers are usually thought of as external to the organization who needs your product or service. A question worth asking is, "How much are others willing to pay for my work?" The price your customers are willing to pay measures its values in their eyes. Besides serving customers, all organizations target specific results. Given the large number of demands placed on all of us, it is important to concentrate on achieving the most important goals and objectives. Commitment to results is largely determined by how clear priorities are, what actions get rewarded, and what risks are being taken to improve intended results. The next commitment is to the people. The quality of the organization's commitment to customers and results is largely based upon the quality of its commitment to people. The simple reason for this is that it is these people who serve the customer and achieve results. How are people treated in the organization? Commitment to people is largely the product of treating people with respect, challenging them, and giving them effective feedback on how they are doing. The final leadership commitment is to the larger organization. Other departments, higher management, the organization's overall strategy & mission are important. Communication is the key with this commitment. How people talk to, and about, each other greatly affects the quality of cooperation. How open are the channels of communication up, down, and across? Can management be challenged? Will people support management decisions and changes? Balancing all six commitments is the key to well directed leadership. When management supports its employees, they will be able and willing to achieve intended results, When these results support customer needs and expectations, customers will support the organization with their business. A strong and healthy organization can then continue to show commitment to its people. The glue that holds this process together is the values and leaders in the organization. HOW TO PRACTICE COMMITMENT Effectively demonstrating commitment to others, to the organization's basic principles, and to oneself is never easy. The truth is, demonstrating commitment is hard work. Wavering commitment is usually seen as no commitment at all. The only way to achieve a reputation for commitment is through determination and persistence. Genuine commitment stands the test of time. Day to day, commitment is demonstrated by a combination of two actions. The first action is called supporting. Genuine support develops a commitment in the minds and hearts of others. This is accomplished by focusing on what is important and leading by example. It is not uncommon for people to be either confused as to what is important, or lose sight of it over time. Supporting means concentrating on what adds value, spotlighting what's working, and rewarding others who are focusing on what is important and leading by example. A crucial aspect of true support is standing up to those who would undermine commitment, those whose words or actions show disrespect. The second action underlying commitment is called improving. Improving stretches our commitment to an even higher level. Commitment means a willingness to look for a better way and learn from the process. It focuses on eliminating complacency, confronting what is not working, and providing incentives for improvement. The spirit of improving is rooted in challenging current expectation and ultimately taking the risk to make changes. These changes are based more on an optimism in the future than dissatisfaction in the past. It is embodied in the reply of car maker Professor Porsche, who, when asked which was his favourite model in the long line of Porsche automobiles replied: "I haven't built it yet!" It is the combination of both supporting and improving behaviours that makes up the practice of commitment. Separately neither action is capable of sustaining commitment. Promoting alone can come across as a shallow and pollyannish. Continuous improvement can be seen as "good is never good enough". Together they provide a needed balance. Both are essential to commitment. WHEN IT IS MOST IMPORTANT Commitment is most difficult and most readily proven during tough times. How someone weathers the storms most clearly demonstrates their basic beliefs. In antiquity, Epicurus stated: "...a captain earns his reputation during the storms." When your competition scores big against you, when the money dries up, or when the glamour of success wears off, this is when it is easiest to compromise your commitments. The real test comes when you can hold the line against the easy route of compromise. Fortunately, paying the price that commitment commands has payoffs worth the cost - a reputation for integrity and, even more important, the commitment of others in return. Commitment is a two-way street. You only get it if you are willing to give it.

Brad Sugars's "Instant Repeat Business."

It is a known fact that it costs six times more to gain a new customer. In such a scenario, it becomes critical to keep your customers coming back so you get repeat business - over and over again. Here are 3 Steps to Keeping Your Clients Longer: 1- Welcome Your Customers. People are more inclined to engage with a company that makes them feel important and appreciated. Customers can tell whether you're happy to see them through subtle gestures and signals - your tone of voice, your expressions, your posture, the way you are dressed - all these things send potent, often powerful messages to them. 2- Reward Loyalty. If you can retain your customers, your revenues will increase. As discussed earlier, research indicates that it costs six times more to get a new customer versus serving an old one. Therefore, it obviously pays to retain your customers. So the question is, Are you keeping your current clients engaged, involved and interested in returning to you for your products and services?" It does not cost much or take much effort to let someone know you appreciate their patronage and are ready to reward them for coming back to you. 3- Reduce the Risk Factor for them by Providing Superlative Service: Each time a client decides to seek a new business, they are taking a risk in terms of determining whether they will have a good experience. If you can provide them with a good experience, you've greatly enhanced their satisfaction level and reduced their need or desire to go to a newer business where the quality of service or experience is unknown. This will make engaging with you less risky and help you retain your current customers. Keep an open ear and learn to look for any signs that your customers aren't happy with the product or service you are providing customer satisfaction surveys can play an important role here. In the long run, a few simple steps, intended to keep you focused on the needs and wants of your current clients, will be far more cost-effective then spending all that time, energy and money in looking for new clients.

Don't forget your customers!

I just had a recent client who started coaching with me. He was eager to grow his business, and I was able to get him to focus like a laser beam on revenue and client growth. Month after month he applied all of our marketing and business development tools, and generated significant growth and profit. He was swimming in cash and loving every second of it. Then one day he called in a panic. “I’m starting to lose clients, I don’t know what’s going on.” Quickly I had him survey his customers, only to discover that many of them were dissatisfied with his services, and bailing out of their agreements. There were major quality issues that he had never discovered, and his team was so focused on keeping up with the new business that they were ignoring any sort of product quality. What he had built with a flourish came crashing down in a heap of cancelations. As you grow your business, it is easy for you as a business owner to get seduced by the lure of easy money as you bring new customers into your business. However, real success and long-term profits are all about ensuring that your customers are not just satisfied, but delighted with your product or service, and continue doing business with you for a life time. Take a look at where your focus is in your business. If you spend all of your time marketing and selling, and no time ensuring excellent delivery of your services, it’s time to dial back and zero in on creating raving fans out of your current customers. By doing this, you will ensure a base of steady revenue that will allow you to reinvest back into sales and marketing in order to then grow your business in a safe and secure fashion. Remember, real success is not about explosive growth, but rather steady growth that happens for a lifetime.

Leadership

Things to Ponder My mentor said, "Let's go do it," not "You go do it." How powerful when someone says, "Let's"! Leaders must understand that some people will inevitably sell out to the evil side. Don't waste your time wondering why; spend your time discovering who. When dealing with people, I generally take the obvious approach. When someone says, "This always happens to me and that always happens to me. Why do these things always happen to me?" I simply say, "Beats me. I don't know. All I know is that those kinds of things seem to happen to people like you." We could all use a little coaching. When you're playing the game, it's hard to think of everything. A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better. As a leader you should always start with where people are before you try to take them to where you want them to go.

Don't Send Your Ducks to Eagle School

by Jim Rohn The first rule of management is this: don’t send your ducks to eagle school. Why? Because it won’t work. Good people are found, not changed. They can change themselves, but you can’t change them. If you want good people, you have to find them. If you want motivated people, you have to find them, not motivate them. I picked up a magazine not long ago in New York that had a full-page ad in it for a hotel chain. The first line of the ad read, “We do not teach our people to be nice.” Now that got my attention. The second line said, “We hire nice people.” I thought, "what a clever shortcut!” Motivation is a mystery. Why are some people motivated and some are not? Why does one salesperson see his first prospect at seven in the morning while the other sees his first prospect at eleven in the morning? Why would one start at seven and the other start at eleven? I don’t know. Call it “mysteries of the mind.” I give lectures to a thousand people at a time. One walks out and says, ‘I’m going to change my life.” Another walks out with a yawn and says, “I’ve heard all this stuff before.” Why is that? The wealthy man says to a thousand people, “I read this book, and it started me on the road to wealth.” Guess how many of the thousand go out and get the book? Answer: very few. Isn’t that incredible? Why wouldn’t everyone go get the book? Mysteries of the mind… To one person, you have to say, “You’d better slow down. You can’t work that many hours, do that many things, go, go, go. You’re going to have a heart attack and die.” And to another person, you have to say, “When are you going to get off the couch?” What is the difference? Why wouldn’t everyone strive to be wealthy and happy? Chalk it up to mysteries of the mind and don’t waste your time trying to turn ducks into eagles. Hire people who already have the motivation and drive to be eagles and then just let them soar.

Closing More Sales - Now!

A critical success factor for all businesses is how good they are at selling. Every business is selling something, a product and/or a service, but very few are actually trained in the art of selling. Here are seven keys to selling to help you on the track to greater business success: 1. Ask More Questions: Questions are the answers in sales. Too many sales people tell their customers the features and benefits of their product or service but never take the time to find out which of the benefits the customer is actually interested in. So, ask them to tell you what they want. 2. Set Daily Targets: A common theme in sales- chase enough customers in the hope that one or more will buy. In reality this leads to sales people only selling to the early adopters or price shoppers who would probably buy from anyone. However by keeping track of how many customers buy on average from a given number of leads and then introducing strategies to convert a higher percentage will ensure your sales team learn how to improve their results. Set daily targets and assess your performance against these targets. 3. Use Sales Scripts: No one likes to hear someone read from a script but customers do expect us to be consistent. So how do you ensure all your interactions with prospects are consistent and that you deal with objections in a professional way? By writing down what it is you say in any given situation and by training your team to use the same questions and language you can bring a lot more productivity to your sales process. 4. Offer / Guarantee: Why should someone buy from you and not a competitor who can provide the same product or service at a lower price? What is it that you offer them or can guarantee them that will differentiate you from your competition? Your offer must generate excitement to get prospects to make a decision to buy now. 5. Ask For The Sale: One of the biggest common failings in sales is not asking the prospect to buy. A fear of rejection, that the sale will be lost, prevents many sales people from actually asking the final question. Just do it and learn from those that say no so you can improve your conversion rate over time. 6. Learning: To be successful in sales there absolutely must be a habit of learning. Learn from other sales experts, learn from books, learn from your best customers and learn from past experience. Both your good and bad experiences can be a huge help in improving your sales success. You must record these experiences and build your knowledge over time. Write it down so you do not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. 7. Testimonials: We all need to be reminded of what we are doing right and why our best customers love dealing with us. Sometimes we focus too much on what is going wrong rather than what we are doing right. Focus on the good stuff and we will do more of it! Get your customers to write down their testimonials so you can use it in your marketing and attract even more great customers. Question: When is the best time to make a sale? Answer: Just after you made your last one. Ever hear stories of football players who stop scoring goals and it seems they will never score again? Well generally they change something about themselves; their attitude or a superstition or a habit; and then suddenly they are back in scoring form again and they keep scoring.